Ssssssssss
Posted by
Aarti on
March 9th, 2010 . Filed under:
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I started to write a “woe is me post” today — the camera is on the fritz, so I haven’t been able to take and share photos of the food I’m making… money is really tight, so it’s not like I’m making much in the way of exciting food anyway… plus money woes have a way of blocking out all the sunshine around me, and that buried somewhere in my heart. But after trying to write it three times, something in my heart (perhaps one stubborn ray of sunshine!) urged me to stop, and broaden my perspective a little.
A friend of mine passed away this past week. We are all in mourning, flabbergasted at the shock of it all, heartbroken for the family and loved ones whose grief is just that bit more public, thankfully or tragically, because of Facebook. I cannot imagine going through that pain.
But, if I may be selfish… it has put things in perspective. My friends and I have told each other how much we love each other so many times over the past week; and we normally say it a good deal anyway. We attended a wedding last weekend, that I believe was at least partly so joyful because we ardently needed to show God, and each other, how much we appreciate one another. I value more fully than ever those things that are truly important: a loving and healthy family, a fantastic surrogate family here in LA, a more-perfect-than-words-can-say husband, a living, breathing relationship with a real, majestic, perfect God who loves me (and you) more than I will ever know, despite all my faults…
Interestingly, Brad, the pastor at our church, gave a seriously GREAT sermon two weeks ago entitled Choosing the Life From Above; you can listen to it here if you like. Listen to it. It’s awesome. I love how Brad can look at a verse so oft tossed about that it has almost lost its meaning (John 3:16), and find a fresh, compassionate perspective on it.
One thing really stuck out to me…
Rather than focus on the snakes slithering at our feet, causing fear, panic, depression and a general sense of “oh no!”… God wants us to look up at Him. Like a loving parent, He sees our distress, and rather than just telling us to get over it, He offers us His hand and says, here’s a way out! We are to walk through the fields of snakes, trusting Him to lead us around them. Think about the Israelites in the desert:
“So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, he lived.”
Numbers 2:19
What are those snakes you ask? Well it could be anything in your life that you’re struggling against. For me, it’s the (irrational) fear that God has forgotten me, that He doesn’t care about our financial struggles… it’s also the constant tape of voices in the back of my head that say, “You don’t matter, you’re no good at anything, you’re just going to fail and everyone’s going to laugh at you, so why even try?”. Look down, and inevitably, in your struggle to avoid getting attacked, you’ll get bitten, and that poison will start running through your body so fast that you’ll forget what it was like to live without it coursing through your veins.
It’s a similar visual to the one where Peter asks Christ whether he can walk on water. ‘Cos heck, who wouldn’t want to try, right?!
Jesus, says, yeah you can Peter! Just walk toward me! But as soon as Peter starts to do it, he looks away from Jesus who’s waiting for him in the boat some distance away. He looks down at the unsteady, impossible waters below him… and promptly starts to sink. There’s something about focusing on our life here “below”, that causes us to sink even deeper into the muck and mire. Focusing up, on God and His faithfulness, impossible and as seemingly irresponsible as it may strike us, causes us to rise above it, to glide above it like those funny boats they use in the Florida swamplands (can’t for the life of me remember what they’re called)… because as Brad gently reminded me recently, none of this really matters.
It’s a common theme for me. You might remember my previous manifesto on the subject! I used to think that one day I would get it, that one day, I would attain perfect faith and never worry again about my future. It would be that perfect faith that would move mountains… but I’m realising that’s not how it is; even in my old age, when I’m wearing inappropriately bright colours that clash with my (hopefully full!) head of silver hair that refuses to stay in a bun… I believe I’ll be writing about this same thing, about how God is constantly asking me, “How much do you trust Me, little one?”. And that’s ok. He understands. His patience is never-ending. He knows exactly what I need to crawl a little closer to that potential person He sees in me.
And so for now, I choose to go easy on myself for not having that perfect faith yet. But in every moment I remember, I choose to look up, so that I can trample those snakes beneath my (kinda flat) feet and rise above the muck and mire.
-x-
aarti
March 9th, 2010 at 11:23 pm
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. I personally know how that feels to lose someone you love. Maybe it will help you to know that your post has really helped me. I am in my own “woe is me” place. I am only 46 but have a serious pulmonary disease and have had to move in with relatives and give up my kitties. I feel like I have lost all control over my life and am grieving my independence, my health, as well as my kitties. It is easy to blame Paul and say “how can you not trust Jesus when he tells you to walk, after all it is Jesus for Pete’s sake”. But here I am doing the same thing everyday by not trusting what he is doing with me. I just wish I knew what he was doing LOL. I am going to listen to that sermon you linked to. Thank you for posting this and you have my hugs!
March 10th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
I know I just commented yesterday, but I keep reading your post. This touched me so much, the money thing blocking sunshine, the remarkable (right, no coincidence there) timing of the wedding, stretching to find and appreciate your blessings even when you don’t really feel like it, bot mostly the idea of just being focused on looking down and how that robs your attention of where you need to be looking. You are a gifted writer (as well as cook!!!) and, I’m sorry but… how old are you again? My! You have a lot of insight for someone so young. I could barely tie my shoes at your age LOL.
March 10th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
oh what a sweet comment! i’m sorry i didn’t write back earlier today. to be honest, i wasn’t sure what i could say to you. i’m so sorry that your life is so challenging right now… but i know He’s got your back! thank you so much for your comments… you’re reassuring me that looking up really is the only way through! even though i wrote this yesterday, i’ve already forgotten. isn’t that funny? thank you so much for liking my writing! this means so much to me!!!! -x- (oh, and i’m 31!)
March 11th, 2010 at 6:44 am
It broke my heart to read your blog, life is hard enough without having money worries too. I can’t understand it, Aarti party is fantastic and so very funny, I watched an episode this morning, not for the fab recipie but because it always cheers me up. You have a gift, given by God maybe, but it would be crime if your obvious talent goes to waste. I too have had a sad lost of a friend resently and it does make you think more clearly about those stupid things we all worry about, and reminds us what is actually important. Bringing a smile to a friends face means more to me now, If you know it or not you have great presence and bring joy to all who watch. I hope that nasty snakes will not hinder you too much and you will find a door of opportunity soon. Keep trying something will happen for you soon, I am sure of it.
(from the crazy cake lady on facebook, well not so crazy really- more frustrated, want to rule the world with my cakes and can’t seem to get started)
take care
sus
March 11th, 2010 at 11:04 am
thank you for your kind comment! i’m feeling better today; i trust that just as His plan has been perfect so far, it will be perfect in the future. So, why fret, right??
Ha!
Easier said than done I suppose. But actually perhaps it IS easy — I love that one psalm where the psalmist talks to his soul — “why are you sad oh my soul?”. sometimes, if i talk to my soul, i can buck myself up.
I think I might sound like a crazy person right now. hahahahaaa!
In any case, thank you so much for your support! You’re awesome! And I like your cakes!
July 1st, 2010 at 1:16 pm
This made my day today… Just so you know, God is really using you in and out of the kitchen to touch lives. I, too, struggle with faith sometimes especially when it comes to financial worries. Thank you for the reminder that our focus should be on His faithfulness and goodness to provide all of our needs. It’s so easy to worry about the future, especially for me as a mom who wants only the best for her children. I know that He definitely has a plan for our lives. Anyways, thank you for sharing your faith and bringing hope to those of us who are reading:)
July 26th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
Aarti, what a wonderful testimony!! Thank you for sharing this. I have been watching you for the past three weeks on FNS and I am praying for you to win. Remember, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” You have been so delightful to watch, you show so much honor and respect to the other team players and that quality is very important in life. Continue to remain true and faithful even in these tough times – I know God will honor you. I am praying for you.
August 19th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
Aarti,
I stumbled on your blog because I was looking for a recipe on Food Network for granola and I saw the promo about you and wanted to read more about your story. And, because I am a recent cancer survivor (ovarian tumor at age 29!) and my oncologist (who is also Indian) recommended I eat turmeric because of the health benefits. I don’t know anything about Indian food so I thought I would browse your blog to see if you had some ways to incorporate turmeric into my food. Well, let me just say, I am so floored after reading your blog! I saw that you mentioned “God” but I was wondering what you meant since there can be many meanings of that these days. I feel so much more bonded with you now knowing that your view of God is our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ! I am a strong Christian and definitely try to center my life around Him – which it sounds like you do too. I am so so so happy that you won the Next Food Network Star – that God has been going before you and blessing your obedience to Him and giving you a platform to share more of Him through your life. I really am just thrilled for you. So I am a newfound fan of yours tonight and plan on following your blog and watching your show. I also am interested that you are gluten-free…I just got home today from going to an integrative cancer center and am radically changing my diet. I am interested to see what healthy recipes you share! Oh and also, I have a blog: http://www.insightforgirls.com, where I share my faith through my cancer struggle as well as what God is teaching me. Also on Mondays I share a “Monday Morsel” about a new health tip. Anyway, this was super long-winded but I just wanted you to know how thrilled I am for you that God has entrusted you with much. I am excited to see how God will use you!
PS- loved this entry about what you’ve been learning!